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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Nothing Pretty

I remember it all so well. I remember standing in my living room fussing over how tall and wide our couch was, with a broom in my hand. 
Mom told Tyler, my husband, that she was coming over. I didn't know what for, the kids weren't there and let's face it! They only come over to see my kids. I was so awkward, leaning against the couch, dad moved some folded up laundry over and sat down. Mom remained standing in front of me. "The doctor said it's cancer." Tears filled her tired eyes. I could tell she was worried, but I tried to remain calm. I just stood there. I didn't know what to ask, I didn't know what to say, think or feel. Dad kept saying, "It's go'n be alright." 

Unfortunately, there is no written manual on "how to deal with your mom having cancer". I was sitting in the car with one of my dear friends and I said, "Nobody knows what cancer is until it happens to them." 
How I envy that ignorance. I wish I could be one of those people.
Unfortunately, my family knows it all too well. In fact, it's been five years since my sister Tabitha left this world because of cancer. 
Chemotherapy failed. Doctors failed. Medicine failed...I failed. 
The only one who didn't fail, was my mom. Who held herself together through to the very end. Who didn't have to be there, but did it anyway. When everyone else fell short, mom made up for it. 
The one woman on the planet who could handle Tabitha, now has been weakened by the very same disease that she watched take over and deteriorate her own daughter's life and body.
Meanwhile I get on Facebook and people complain about their lackluster lunches, their overflowing bathtubs, their baby throwing a temper tantrum in a restaurant. Do these things really matter to these people? Did they used to matter to me?  They just don't anymore.
If you're looking for a point made during this post, you won't find one. Except that life sucks sometimes. That's about it. 
I don't have any pretty lyrics or a happy ending.

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